My Lioness: It's In The Past

Title: My Lioness: It's In The Past
Author: MelpomeneTears
Game: Dragon Age 2
Characters/Pairing: Sekhmet Hawke, Bethany Hawke, Anders
Disclaimer: Very mildly sexually suggestive


Sekhmet stood up and wiped her hands on a towel folded over her belt for just such purposes.  "How does that feel?"

"Much better, what is it?"  The older woman whose knee she had been working on looked visibly relieved.

Sekhmet smiled, "It's ginger root.  I simmered it until I could grind it into a paste.  Works wonders on joints.  I'll get you some of the dried root to take home.  I want you to drink some like tea every day, it should help."  She turned and walked to the back of the clinic where Anders had set up a table just for Sekhmet's supplies.  Taking a square of oilcloth she scraped the rest of the paste from her mortar onto it and tied it up tight before opening one of her glass canisters to put a handful of the dried root into a square of clean, dry cloth and folded it into a neat packet.  

The woman was sitting anxiously waiting and when Sekhmet reached her the woman shook her head.  "I thought it wouldn't hurt so much since its warmer here.  But living in the damp down here, it hurts worse."

Sekhmet nodded handing her the two little packets.  "This should help a bit.  Don't try to save the paste; it won't last so just use it as you need it.  Heating it near the fire before putting it on might help.  Add water if you need to, it won't hurt it any.   If it gets to be too much you come on back and I'll take care of you."  She settled on her knees in front of the woman, the swelling wasn't terribly bad but she was sure it still hurt.   "The damp can wreak havoc on joints.  Did you come to Kirkwall with family?"

"I did, my son and his wife."  She beamed, the thought of her family obviously a happy one.

She felt herself smile in return.  "And what does your son do?"

"He used to be a farmer, but there's no work for Ferelden farmers here.  He does whatever job he can."  The older woman's eyes flickered with something she saw all too often in Darktown, despair.

"I know it's not much, but if your son goes to the Bone pit and speaks to Jansen he'll give your son a job.  Tell him to give my name 'Sekhmet'."   She didn't care for Hubert, but thankfully the man was just a touch afraid of her and wouldn't object to her giving out a few jobs.

The woman's eyes narrowed.  "You work there?"

Just the thought of digging in those mines all day made her skin crawl.  "Not exactly.  I'm part owner."

The woman looked stunned, "Then for Maker's sake girl, what are you doing in a dark hole like this?"

She shook her head with a smile, calling Darktown a dark hole compared to a min, this woman was fantastic.  She gave the woman a sly smile, "Oh, I have my reasons."

The woman nodded sagely, her gaze sliding over to Anders as he bent over a patient eyes closed head canted to the side as if her were listening to his patient's body.  Who knew, perhaps he was.  "He is rather good looking, if a bit on the skinny side.  That man's as tall as a tree and you're a little slip of a thing.  You looking for him to shelter you from the storm, missy?"

She hadn't smiled this much in days, "No, I'm hoping he'll be the storm."

She almost jerked away in surprise when the older woman stroked her cheek.  "I remember the flames of young love, believe it or not."  She gave a heavy sigh suddenly then murmured softly, "It's a shame he's a mage."

Sekhmet chuckled wanting to lighten the woman's day little, "That's the real reason they lock them up you know.  The Templars want to keep them all to their selves because they're so good looking."

The woman cackled, and covered her mouth as several other patients turned to look at them.  Sekhmet smiled and started to turn away when the woman gripped her wrist slightly.  Her gaze intense and serious.  "You be careful young miss, he may be a healer but he's still a man.  A young woman like you should be careful."

Sekhmet raised a brow, grandmotherly concern?  That was novel.  "Would you be surprised to learn that I'm older than he is?"

The woman's eyes went wide, "I would be."

Her gaze wondered back to Anders, his warm eyes expressive as he spoke with his patient.  Lately, she had been feeling her age, had been feeling the gap between her and Anders more and more.  "I'm pretty sure I am."

She could feel the woman's gaze on her as she spoke.  "Still you should be careful all the same."

She turned back to her, catching the woman's pretty jade eyes.  "Yes ma'am, I will, thank you."

The woman stood up slowly, bending her knees experimentally and smiling before she picked up the tea and left the clinic, her strides long and sure.  Hopefully, an improvement over her arrival a few hours earlier.  She glanced around the clinic taking in the patients and their ailments deciding where to go next.

Anders, having finished with his patient came and stood at her side, "And just what were you girls giggling about."

She glanced up at him, reminding herself again that they could be friends.  "I was explaining to her the real reason that Templars lock mages up."

Anders quirked a brow, a look near to amusement on his face, "And what, pray tell, is that?"

Sekhmet grinned, "Why, ser mage, I would think you would know that better than I."  With that she turned and moved to her next patient, "Now get back to work," she chided over her shoulder.  The day seemed to pass quickly and she was grateful.  She was still a little tender but Beth had been right, as usual.

She and Anders were not lovers, she didn't own him and he owed her no explanation about his life past or present.  Whatever had happened between him and Isabela was none of her business.  She could be childish and hide like he so often did, or she could help her fellow Fereldens.  After a few hours of goading by Bethany she had trudged down to Darktown to be greeted by Anders' thankful expression when she walked through the door.

His clinic had been more packed than usual.  Apparently, there had been an outbreak of some sort among the children.  If treated it wasn't serious but left too long without proper treatment it had proven fatal.  He'd pulled her aside quickly and given her a rundown of the symptoms he had seen.

Triage wasn't something Anders was particularly fond of; he wanted to help everyone immediately.  She'd ushered him to the back of the clinic with a few cots and admonished him to stay there.  She brought the children to him and took care of everything else with very few exceptions.  A few words with a few women had the word spread through Darktown of what to look for in their children and to try to wait to see the healer another day if possible for anything else.

The older woman with the pretty eyes was the last of the patients that had come in before Sekhmet had arrived.  Things had finally settled, she made another quick round of the parents who were milling about waiting for their children to be treated.  Once done she headed over to a man with a grimace on his face and what looked to be a piece of metal protruding from his boot.  She reached in her pocket and handed the man a few silvers before kneeling in front of him.

He gave her a queer look, "What's that for?"

She slipped a knife from her belt.  "To replace the boots.  I'm going to have to cut the boot off.  There won't be enough of it left to patch up."

"You're all bleeding hearts in here, eh?"  He cocked an eyebrow.

She shook her head, "No, and don't tell anyone where you got the money.  My sister would have my hide."

He chuckled, "I think I can keep a secret."

********

At the end of the day as Anders doused the lanterns she stood taking stock of what she had left and what things she needed to pick up.  "Anders," she called out.

"Yes?"

Sekhmet jumped a little and whirled around, she hadn't expected him to be so close; he had crossed the clinic silently.  She laughed with her hand pressed to her chest, "Maker, you startled me."

He gave her another amused look, "I see that.  I would have thought it would be harder than that to startle you."

She shrugged, "I guess I shouldn't have relaxed my guard."

"Guarding yourself against me?  And here I thought you said you weren't afraid of me." a  hint of a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

She studied him for a minute, "Anders, are you teasing me?"

He abruptly sobered, "No, what did you need?"

Sekhmet decided not to be annoyed at his sudden change of subject; she really wasn't in the mood for another argument.  "I was going to ask for something to write with and some parchment.  I need to make a list to take to the market."

He nodded and headed to his room at the back of the clinic.  She stood there surveying her worktable again and trying not to feel hopeful about Anders' teasing.  He returned a few moments later and handed her the parchment, quill and ink well.

"I should probably take a look at what I need too."  With that he went to his own work table and started rummaging through what was on top of it.

Her list only took a few moments to make and she crossed over to where Anders stood.  She climbed onto the end of the table, pulling up her leg she turned perpendicular to where Anders stood and set the parchment on the table with the ink well.  She bent forward, quill in hand.

"Alright, shoot."

He sounded tense, probably worried about another argument as well.  It seemed that was all they had managed to do for the last week or so.  They could barely say ten words to each other without it turning into a fight.  "I'll take care of it, Hawke."

Sekhmet scowled, they had to stop this nonsense.  "Don't be silly.  I'm already heading to the market tomorrow, might as well get everything."

Anders watched her for a moment then sighed, "Fine," He started giving her a list of the things he needed, the usual: flasks, elfroot, spindleweed, etc.  

Sekhmet scribbled away as he spoke, he paused, falling silent and after about thirty seconds of silence she looked up to find him watching her.  Suddenly, she felt self conscious, had she done something wrong again?  "What?"

He took her hand in his, his aversion to touching her momentarily forgotten, turning it over and tracing a finger over her fingertips.  "I just realized that you always have ink on your fingers."  He looked up catching her eyes, not releasing her hand.  "Why is that?"  His voice was almost fond.

She shrugged, "I'm not very neat I suppose."  Friendly, not hopeful, just friendly.

He turned her hand sideways and looked along her index finger.  A small surprised noise escaped him then he shook his head and touched his fingertip to an indentation.  "You only get this from writing a lot.  It's from where you grip the quill when you write.  So what is it you're writing?"

Was he playing some sort of game with her?  "Perhaps I'm writing letters to those I left behind in Ferelden."

Anders released her hand and turned back to his table pulling another canister forward and opening it.   "You told me that there was no one you left behind in Ferelden."  His voice had reverted to its usual casual tone.

She forced herself to relax, he was just curious.  "No, I suppose I didn't leave anyone back there.  It's a hobby of mine, that's all."

Anders closed the canister and slid it back into place before opening another.  "Do you write stories like Varric?"

Sekhmet laughed, "Nothing so fanciful.  I write in a journal about my day, things I've learned and seen."  She shrugged, "Boring stuff really."  A mischievous grin lit up her face, "Well except for the things I write about you, that's never boring."

Anders chuckled, "Well you know how to stroke a man's ego, that's for sure."

"Among other things."  Sekhmet retorted as she hopped down from the workbench.

He turned to her, "I don't think I'll ever get used to that about you."

She was fighting against getting angry again.  He expected her to just tell him whatever he wanted while he kept his own secrets.  "You're right, you never will if you don't try it."

He shook his head, "You're deflecting again."

"You're prying again.  I thought we weren't going to do that."  She inhaled through her nose, not going to fight.  Not today, she was too tired.

"I didn't ask about your past.  You never said I couldn't ask you about your present.  Is that off the books too?  If it is I'm afraid our conversations are going to be largely silent from here on out."  He was watching her again, was he trying to pick a fight or trying to joke with her?  Sometimes it was hard to tell.

It didn't matter, she knew one sure fire way to shut the man up.  He hated talking about Justice.  "Okay, what does it feel like when he takes over?"

Anders paused seeming to think for a long moment.  "It's like a shiver across my skin at first then it's like being wrapped in thick wool.  I can feel what's happening, that he's moving me, but it's distant."

She hadn't expected him to tell her, now she was curious.  "How do you feel?"

He shifted his weight clearly feeling a little uncomfortable, "It varies depending on the situation, but it's always anger at first."

Sekhmet nodded, astounded that he had been so honest and hadn't deflected.  She wasn't sure what he wanted exactly but it was nice to have him just be honest with her even though he was clearly uncomfortable.  "Thank you."

"So are you going to tell me what you really write about?"  He asked, working to sound casual.

"I did, except for the part about you.  I don't write about you or any of the others.  I figure Varric does enough of that for everyone."  She was surprised that they seemed to be having an actual conversation without fighting.

"I almost think I'm disappointed."  Anders graced her with a rare smile setting butterflies to flight in her belly.

Sekhmet smiled back, "You really have a beautiful smile, Anders.  I wish I saw it more."

Anders' smile faltered but didn't quite disappear.  "Who knows, maybe I'll have more reason to smile in the future."

"Promises, promises."  Testing the waters with a little light teasing.

"Not for  me, promises are dangerous."  He turned from her, "Come help me put out fresh linens for tomorrow."

A real smile from Anders was a rare enough occurrence that she didn't push it.  She just followed him and helped him with the fresh linens talking about neutral things like what their next job was and where it was going to be.  As often happened they came around to talking about books.

********

Anders was thrilled to have someone to speak with that enjoyed books as much as he did, none of their other companions seemed interested in such pursuits.  Varric was too busy writing and he wouldn't call the trash that Isabela read books.  They were so engrossed in the conversation that Sekhmet didn't seem to want to leave after they had finished changing the linen so he roped her into washing the day's soiled linens and hanging them up on the lines stretched across the clinic to dry.

When they finished the two of them sat on the edge of Anders' workbench.  The conversation had lapsed for a few minutes when Sekhmet leaned back on her hands and looked up at the ceiling looking at the crossbeams, her mind obviously seeing farther than her eyes could.  "What was it you were referring to earlier?"

Anders turned to look at her; he didn't want to fight again.  The day had been fairly pleasant.  "When?"

Sekhmet sat up straight again and looked at him, "When you said you didn't think you would ever get used to that about me, used to what exactly?"

Anders tipped his head back, gazing at the same beams she had been staring through a few moments ago.  "You'll be angry."

She shook her head, "You always think I'm going to be angry."

He knew better than to hold his tongue, the longer he was silent the worse it would end up being.  He'd been so relieved to see her this morning.  He'd been drowning in patients.  Might as well get the argument over and done with, maybe he could smooth things over enough that she would come back tomorrow.  "We'll be having a decent conversation, just getting to know each other and it's like you feel the need to sabotage it."
 
She wasn't looking at him; her eyes seemed to be avoiding his.  "And just how do I do that?"

He looked at her with a raised brow, "By making everything about sex."

She gave a careless shrug.  "Maybe that's just who I am."

Anders closed his eyes, "I almost wish I could believe that."

"Almost?"

Anders opened his eyes, "Don't push me, we had a good day, enjoyed each other's company.  Let's not ruin it with an argument."

There was a long silence before she spoke again, her voice quiet and almost timid.  "Anders?"

Walking on eggshells?  That wasn't a good sign.  "Yes?"

"About Isabela,"

He groaned, "Let's not do this again, please."

"I…I wanted to apologize.  If you say nothing happened, I believe you."  She was almost whispering now.

He was oddly touched by the apology.  "Thank you."

"I'm curious about you and…people."  She fidgeted next to him.

"People?"  Oh boy, where was this going?

"Yeah, I mean you're an attractive sort of man.  I was pretty sure that you and…and Karl…but" She blushed and it was terribly cute.

"Only sort of a man?  Ouch.  Well, I'll have to work on that."  He shouldn't be teasing but it felt good to relax with her.

"No, I.." she blushed even deeper.  All that pale white skin of hers couldn't hide it.

He decided to bail her out a little.  "I'm not a virgin if that's what you're asking.  I've had a lover…or two."  He felt a smile trying to pull free but held it in.

She seemed to relax a bit, "Male or female?"

He looked at her a long moment.  He had seen her checking out Isabela when they first met, he was sure of it.  And she knew Isabela's tastes, and though she and Isabela fought it  was over him rather than the types of lovers Izzy took.  It should be fairly harmless to be honest.  "Both."

She nodded and didn't say anything for a long time and he wondered if perhaps he had been wrong.  She turned away from him, staring at the wall.  He slid off the table, sensing he had hurt her again and wanting somehow to fix it.  He moved in front of her, hands resting on the table on either side of her.

"Will you look at me please?"  He kept his voice soft.

A wry smile tugged at her lips even as she closed her eyes, "You really like seeing what a mess I am don't you?"

He turned her face so he could see her, so she could see him.  Justice growled at the touch but Anders snarled back.  They needed to find a footing here, somewhere they could start from instead of running around and around in circles between want and fighting.  Her eyes slowly opened, sweet Maker she had beautiful eyes.

"A few months ago, when I met you I was angry that Justice was a wall between us.  You're an incredibly beautiful woman and I wanted you."  She tried to jerk her face away but he moved closer and held her still.  "He's given me a gift I would have missed otherwise though.  I'm not known for sticking around after I get what I want."

"Anders, you don't have to give me some story.  I'm a big girl."  She flicked her gaze away from him, but he moved so she had to look at him.

"I'll never take another lover, Hawke.  Never.  That's forbidden to me.  But there is a connection between us, a strong one.  Can't we enjoy that?  Can't we enjoy what could be an incredible friendship?"  He paused and gave her another smile, a real one.  "Friends are very rare and I treasure them greatly."

She gave him a little smile then closed her eyes and leaned forward resting her forehead on his.  "Friends then."

He kissed her forehead gently.  A small agony he willingly suffered.  He needed her in his life and he needed the fighting between them to stop, it burned in him like acid each time they quarreled.  Maybe now that she understood that while he may never take her as his lover he would never take another either it would ease things between them a bit.  He stood up and rested his hand on the table on either side of her again, loathe to move away.  He liked the closeness, the intimacy of being so near to her.

Being this close to her he could feel the heat of her through his clothes.  Her breath stirred upon his cheek and he inhaled it deeply.  Her eyes, that clear crystalline blue that reminded him of diamonds, suddenly became guarded turning away from his gaze.

How would Justice react if he just threw all caution to the wind?  How would Justice react if he took a step forward, pulled her body into his and tasted those purple painted lips?  Could Justice possibly appreciate the feel of a woman pressed against them, or the excitement of a first kiss?  "You told me many times how you longed to hold Aura, let me hold Hawke, see what it feels like to finally hold a woman in our arms."   There was no actual response from Justice, nor did he expect one, but he did feel a quick flash of annoyance.  

His eyes fixed to the pulse fluttering in her neck.  He watched it speed up and his mouth went dry.  His tongue flicked out to lick his dry lips.  The smell of her was everywhere, and it was a scent for which he had no name just that it was something wild, almost feral.
 
"Anders?" her voice was soft and unsure.

His fingers sought hers out again, "Mmm?"  He traced his finger over the ink stained skin.

She looked back to him with a smile.  "Giving up on being friends already?"

Her words pulled him out of the fog.  He quit touching her and took a half step backwards.  "No, sorry."

She reached up towards his face then dropped her hand back down.  "Why do you look so sad?"

He looked at her for a long time, not sure he should tell her.  Eventually, he realized there was no time like the present to put the idea of being friends into practice.  He tried to give her a smile but it didn't quite work.  "Justice doesn't like to touch people, I just miss it sometimes."  He gave a dark little chuckle.  "Ever heard of a healer who couldn't touch his patients?"

She was watching him closely now, those diamond eyes taking in every detail.  "You don't really need to touch people to heal them."

He sighed softly and moved to lean against the table next to her.  "No, I suppose I don't.  It's just odd for me to heal that way."

"So, you were a 'hands on' kind of guy before Justice?"  It was asked lightly with real curiosity.

"I was used to using all of my senses when diagnosing and treating patients.  He's even dampened the emotions I'm used to experiencing when I heal.  I feel a bit crippled at times now."  It was an understatement, he felt like a child playing at being a healer, only half an idea of what to do.

"Yet you're still the best healer I've ever known."  Her eyes stayed steady as she spoke, and he found himself relieved that she wasn't just saying it, she honestly believed it.

"There you go, stroking my ego again."  He did actually feel a little better.

"Seemed like you could use a little stroking."  Her grin was mischievous, but it was just mild flirtation, no different than a flirt she would use on Fenris or Varric.

"Yes, suppose I did."  He relaxed a bit.

Her smile widened a little, "So, do you want to me to tell you the real reason the Templars lock mages up?"

He'd almost forgotten about that, "Do I want to know?"

She just shrugged.

"Alright, go ahead, I can see you're dying to tell me."

She giggled, "Because mages are so good looking, Templars want to keep them for themselves."

He almost laughed then he was a bit horrified, "You told that old women that mages are locked up because they're pretty?"

"Yeah, right after she told me how pretty you were."

Anders rolled his eyes, "Oh, for Maker's sake."

"If it makes you feel any better she did warn me to be careful with you.  You may be a healer, but you're still a man, and I shouldn't be down here alone tempting you."  She giggled again.

"She makes me sound like some old lecher.  And you didn't even tell her otherwise did you?"  He gave her a mock annoyed look.

"Next time I'll tell her you're a eunuch."

Anders sighed loudly, before hopping up on the table next to her again.  "Why do I even bother?"

They sat in companionable silence for a while after that, just comfortable with each other's company.  It had been a long day and they were both tired but Hawke didn't seem ready to leave yet and he was enjoying her company.

They both jumped when there was a banging on the clinic door.  Anders hopped off the table and crossed the clinic quickly, pulling open the door.  "Bethany?"

She looked annoyed and her voice was terse.  "I came looking for Sekhmet, is she here?"

Anders nodded and let her in.

"Mother has been worried.  It's been dark for hours."  Bethany fumed.

Hawke didn't seem overly worried.  "Does she know you came down here after me?"

"She knows I'm looking for you.  I didn't tell her you were probably here.  What were you two doing so late?"  Bethany scowled as she looked between them.

"Just talking about books."  He was surprised himself when the words came out in a rush.
 
Hawke gave him an odd look.  He wasn't sure why he suddenly felt nervous.  It wasn't as if they had been doing anything wrong.  Or even anything at all for that matter, what was he so worried about, all they had been doing was talking.  It hadn't even really been racy.  He bit his lip and shrugged; Hawke just smiled and stretched a bit.

Bethany smiled a little, "Does that mean you're ready to go?"

Hawke nodded, "Of course."  She hopped off the table and grabbed the list on her way towards the clinic door.  "See you tomorrow, Anders."

He followed them to the doors and locked them as they left.

********

Bethany waited until they reached the bottom of the stairs.  "So, how was it?"

Sekhmet shrugged, "We're not fighting anymore."

Bethany snorted, "Obviously, and that's not what I was asking."

Her sister stopped, "Just what do you think happened?"

Her sister never talked to her about her lovers, like she was still some kind of child.  She'd given up her designs on Anders but she was still curious.  She used to dream about those soft looking lips of his.  "Well, something must have happened.  It's not just late, it's really late and he was clearly nervous about telling me what it was you two were doing.  So was he any good?"

Her sister laughed, "Did you really just ask me if Anders was any good in bed?"

"What?  I can't be curious about your bedmates? I'm not a child anymore, Sekhmet, you don't have to keep treating me like one."

"No, I suppose if the first thing you think when you see Anders acting uneasy is that we had become lovers that I can't really treat you like a child anymore."  She reached up and pushed Bethany hair back from her face.  "I suppose I didn't want to see that you were growing up.  I must be as bad as mother."

Bethany smiled; she appreciated her sister trying to watch out for her even if it was sometimes misguided.  "Actually, you're worse.  Mother never threatened to kill a man if he touched me."

Sekhmet laughed heartily, "No, I guess she didn't."  She nodded ahead and started walking again, "Come on, let's get back to Gamlen's I'm tired."

"I'm sure you are."  She strode beside Sekhmet easily keeping pace with her sister's shorter strides.

"Unfortunately, that isn't why I'm tired.  I didn't get so much as a kiss from our dashing apostate."  She gave a dramatic sigh.

At least her sister was in a better mood than when she had headed off to Anders' clinic today.  "Gave you the 'bad idea' speech again did he?"

"He tried a new tact this time.  It just might work, I haven't decided yet."  Her smile was fond though.

That was odd, no progress but she was still in a good mood?  The man wasn't kidding when he said he was charming.  "So what could he have said to turn you down, again, and still left you smiling."

Sekhmet gave her a little pout, "Just had to point that out didn't you?"

"Is it strange for you that he turned you down?  I mean we both know…" she trailed off; they never spoke about Sekhmet's life in Lothering.  Bethany had never even admitted that she knew about it before.

Sekhmet's steps slowed a little.  "We both know what?"

She didn't want to talk about it.  She didn't want to hurt or embarrass her sister and she definitely didn't want to fight with her.  Problem was she was a terrible liar.  "We both know you're not used to anyone turning you down for anything.  Are you going to tell me how he told you no but still managed to get you to leave with a smile?"

Sekhmet laughed before jogging up the stairs into Lowtown.  "He said he was glad that Justice had stopped us from being lovers because we were able to become friends.  From the way he talked he was the 'love them and leave them' type before Justice.  Apparently, Justice doesn't like to be touched."

Bethany furrowed her brow, "But he touches you all the time."

Her steps slowed again.  "I know, and he had been touching me only moments before he said it, but he looked so sad like he had lost something cherished that I believe him."

"So is that it, you're going to give him up or what?"  She had no idea what she would do in her sister's place.  Her sister really cared for Anders, but if he really didn't want to be touched at all maybe it would be easier for both of them if they stopped spending time with each other altogether.  

Then again, maybe there was a way to separate Anders and Justice.  Some way that her sister could be with Anders without worrying about what Justice did or didn't like, without worrying that Justice might hurt her.  Maybe she could talk to Merrill, she seemed to know a lot of magic that Bethany didn't.  Her stomach did a little flip.  She would find a way for them to be together.  

"I'm not sure; perhaps I just have to find a way to win Justice over.  I'll have to figure out a way to win them both over.  Or maybe Anders is right.  Maybe we're better off just being friends."  Sekhmet shrugged.  "I just don't know."
 
So all was right with the world again, Sekhmet and Anders were back to enjoying each other's company.  She and the others could get a little free time again while Sekhmet helped Anders in the clinic.  Even mother seemed to be doing better.  So, why was she hearing Carver's voice telling her trouble was coming?

She rubbed her forehead, her dead brother's voice giving her a headache.  "Do you ever think about Carver?"

Sekhmet stopped and turned to look at her, her face showed no emotion at all now.  "Often."

"Me too, sometimes I think I can hear him talking to me."  Suddenly, she was feeling self-conscious which was ridiculous.  Her sister would never ridicule her for such a statement.

Sekhmet chuckled a little, "I hear him too.  Sometimes, he's telling me that everything is about to fall apart.  Or warning me that I'm being too trusting and I'll pay for it one day.  Mostly he's angry with me for putting you in danger all the time."

Bethany felt a little bloom of warmth spread through her.  She and Carver had always been very close.  He'd only been a few minutes older, but he had always taken being her older brother very seriously.  He really would have been furious with Sekhmet for taking Bethany along with her on dangerous jobs.  "He'd have locked me in our room before he let me run off gallivanting with you."

"And rightfully so," Sekhmet's smile slowly unraveled and her eyes seemed unfocused, "it would be hard to find a worse person to follow than me."  Her eyes focused again and she reached out to touch the dagger on Bethany's belt, the one she had bought for her sister.  She looked up into Beth's eyes, "He makes a much better example than me.  Be yourself Beth, always, but if you're looking for guidance Carver was a good man."  She turned on her heel and headed for Gamlen's.

Beth stood still for a minute watching her sister walking away.  Most of her memories of Carver were good ones, but her sister wasn't so fortunate.  Sekhmet and Carver had fought for most of their lives.  Carver resented Sekhmet's relationship with their father.  Most of the time Sekhmet couldn't be bothered to spend any real time with either Carver or Bethany, she was always too busy doing something else.

Even Poppa was at fault, Sekhmet was almost never punished.  Poppa afforded her a freedom that even shocked Mother at times.  When Mother questioned him Poppa would just smile and tell her that Sekhmet was different and trying to control her too much would just make things worse for everyone.  Poppa called her their "wildling".

Bethany started walking towards Gamlen's.  Wherever her brother was now she hoped he was with Poppa and that the two of them were happy.  Perhaps, time alone together would be enough for them to forge the type of bond that Carver had always hoped for.  She blinked away a tear and brushed it from her cheek.  She said a quick prayer for them both, hoping the both realized how much she loved them.  She often wondered if Carver could forgive them for not being able to save them.  She didn't want to think about it tonight though.  So, as she reached the top of the stairs at Gamlen's she smiled, thankful to still have her mother and sister with her and for all her new friends.